Phenom-Queens and Phenom-Kings!!!
Long time no exchange! It has been 2,3,4…”50/11” (😊 Afro-American colloquialism) minutes! Years, since December 2020 to be exact.
I have been moving through loss, transition and adjusting to a new normal only to find that life continues to life as more loss, transition and adjustment has transpired. My daddy transitioned in 2020 and more recently I lost a cousin-sister in June of 2023. But I am here now, I will not say I’m back because I never left, all these words and thoughts have been floating around my mind inching towards the tips of my fingers to be cautiously yet boldly shared for those that have an ear to hear and eyes to visualize.
If you are new to my little place in internet real estate, here is a quick recap! My name is Regina (Latin origin meaning Queen) and my favorite poem of all time is “Phenomenal Woman” by Maya Angelou. This is where the title “PhenomQueen” derived from. I named my blog PhenomQueen Prod. (short for productions) because it is my belief that we are created to produce all that God placed inside of our very being with every ounce of every gift we have. If your first thought is, I do not have a gift; I challenge you to look at those things that you do with ease and consider ordinary. It may be overlooked by you but someone, somewhere yearns for what you do with ease because for them it is a struggle. What else? Oh yes! I have the wonderful, delightful, privilege to be rearing my ‘Au-stounding’ son who just happens to be neurodiverse or as I recently heard to my delight a borrowed description of “neuro-spicy”! He is quite funny and my greatest teacher, and I will often reference him as we chat here!
In fact, in a roundabout way he is the inspiration for my return post subject, “Who are you behind the mask?” One of the skills that some neurodiverse individuals demonstrate is learning to mask behaviors that while uncomfortable to others brings regulation and comfort to them. These behaviors are sometimes sensory related such as unexpected movements, sounds, laughter (defined as stimming) and/or avoidance of direct eye contact during facing interactions. It made me think, about how we as adults whether “neuro-spicy” or typical by society standards walk around masking our true thoughts and emotions. In those thoughts I began to see ways through myself for example that I can go through interactions with those close to me and yet I can mask thoughts and emotions by feigning happiness and interest all the while there are different emotions brewing underneath the surface due to “life-lifing.” Emotions and thoughts that for one reason or another I may not feel are appropriate to share. Now, one may say that you should not expose all your thoughts all the time. While I agree with that sentiment I pose the question, is there a danger to oneself when you do not present authentically and mask?
A recent trending topic in the social media world is “code-switching’; “the practice of alternating between two or more languages or varieties of language in conversation”. The unspoken language requirements to exist or participate in some worlds. Sadly, this is all too familiar for minorities and another example of masking behavior.
It has been stated verbally and written in some places that the earnest desire and humaneness of a person is to know that they are seen and heard. It reverberates through the nod of head that is shone when we as minorities witness representation in magazines, movies, sports, music, and corporate offices. And we are now living in a time when not being represented is no longer tolerable. People continue to speak up, stand out and voice the need to be represented and to boldly present authentically in all environments. It does not mean that a person should not be professional (which is relative in term) in professional environments. But it does mean that the beauty of human beings is that God created every one of us as designer originals and we do a disservice to ourselves when we are not authentically being who we are. Someone, somewhere needs exactly who you are and what you have as an example to see, heal, and take their next step in being their authentic self.
I believe that most often beneath the mask is fear, driven by insecurities created when someone along your life’s path told you to do or be something opposite of what was your natural inclination. And if that is the case there is no time like the present to take responsibility and began peeling back the layers until you discover your core being. If you do not know where to start, began divine conversation with God the creator. It does not have to be a long-drawn-out prayer; it can begin with a question. Who am I behind the mask?
Then began to look for subtle signs that present themselves to let you know you are on the path to discovery. Jot those experiences down in your journal, type them in your note’s app or record voice notes on your cellphone. Become curious about the signs and become a master student of yourself. As the Queen Bey informed us in Renaissance fashion this year, “your one of one, number one and the only-one.” Be that one, authentically yourself and remove the mask.
_Regina
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