Hello Phenom Queens and Kings!
As I observe how nature partners in different seasons, it has me thinking. My thoughts have been surrounding emotional energy and the awareness of that energy in all interactions and situations. I read memes and review reels in the social media space about “returning the same energy as having been received”, “pulling a-you on you” and/or “clapping back”. And of course, I am guilty of having the same thoughts and may have even exercised the option myself at times. But the thought is knowing that energy is contagious and fluid how much more effective would we be if instead of matching energy we instead influenced it by sharing our calm energy? I ponder what if, deep down shifts in energy can be likened to regulated and/or dysregulated nervous systems.
Adults do indeed experience dysregulated nervous systems. Which is “when an external source of stimuli causes a pause in capability to regulate their response.” There are many examples that can result in a dysregulated nervous system; a sudden event that was not anticipated, like the loss of a loved one, a break-up, an unmet expectation, over-consumption of news or any information. These dysregulations can lead to instantaneous responses. And an instant response is not always the best option. Sure, it may pack-a-punch in that moment and send an immediate message that makes a person feel they came out on top, but it can also cause combustion! A back-and-forth exchange with no resolution that can result in more harm than good. It’s h-a-r-d to “pause for the cause” in a moment of frustration! But is that clap-back effective overall?
Maybe, you’re practicing setting boundaries and it’s necessary to be assertive and “speak your piece (peace)” and if so, it will take time to establish a balance between assertiveness, response or when to step away. But many times, we are simply frustrated and because we lack the tools to share our calm energy or co-regulate; we charge back without conscious consideration.
If we instead demonstrated sharing our calm energy if that is the case or our regulated nervous system when we observe someone in dysregulation; how much more effective would our communication in relationships be? And yes this affects all relationships; parent/child, sibling/sibling, manager/associate and romantic. I am not a psychologist or specialist; I am a woman with an interest in human exchange and a mommy to a neurodiverse child.
One of the skills of parenting a neurodiverse child is learning (continual effort) to share your calm. This is also coined as “Co-Regulation”. It requires practice, self-awareness and often a reverse/undoing of the way you may have been brought up. But you learn quickly that matching dysregulated nervous systems can be the brewing of a melt-down. Through this knowledge you began to seek an alternative method of interaction for anxious moments. And let me tell you, it is NOT easily mastered. Matter of fact it is learned through repetition only. You can study the books, the articles and choose to listen to unwarranted outside opinion but ultimately real-time exchange is the best teacher. So, from my lens inside ASD as a parent and from my efforts to practice energy-influence in my relationships I thought this would be an interesting topic for my post. Until next time...
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